A Plea For Better Drivers

Bad drivers are all around us. It would seem that vehicular prescience continues to elude the public at large, despite being one of the most viewed posts on my blog (which isn’t saying much). Once again, it is up to me to advance the clarion call for more proficient, competent, and alert drivers. I only hope it reaches farther than the news feeds of my Facebook friends.

Okay, so I wasn’t entirely forthright. Insofar that this is an arbitrary list of suggestions to create better drivers for the benefit of society, it is more a list of things that piss me off and I just wish to make other drivers aware.

I’ll begin with my outline:

  1. The Shoulder Is Not A Lane
  2. Proper Lane Etiquette
  3. Velocity
  4. Brights
  5. Get The Fuck Off The Phone

So, let’s begin.

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Vehicular Prescience

“There’s a lot of shit you have to put up with when you’re driving.” – George Carlin

This one is for all the drivers out there. If you have listened to What Am I Doing in New Jersey?, George Carlin’s 1988 HBO special, then you will have some idea of the things one must be cognizant of while driving; some of those things shall be herein addressed. Should the reader be a pedestrian or become a pedestrian at any point, may the following words be instrumental in the pursuit of a harmonious and safe relationship with automobiles, and their easily perturbed occupants.

I suppose that I should probably inform the reader about my experience, more aptly, trials and tribulations with automobiles. First, an aside. The original working title of this post was: “On Fucking Pedestrians.” For quite some time, I thought it was a clever title and I would have thrown in some jokes about sex and then reminded the reader that the post would not pertain to sex at all. Although I am content with my new title, the draft on my computer bears the original title. Well, enough of that.

I’ve been driving for the greater portion of nine years and, in that time span, it is safe to say that I have driven several hundred thousand miles; I can’t be more precise because I never kept a log of exact mileage. At any rate, succinctly put: I’ve seen A LOT. I have, by no means, seen everything that could be observed by human eyes on the road, but enough where I have a firm understanding of driving. I delivered pizza professionally for almost seven years (if anyone was wondering, I laughed heartily as I typed professionally). I accrued most of my mileage during this time. I was also beset by innumerable automotive troubles which only served to fill the coffers of the cabal known as the automotive mechanic industry. Okay, admittedly, that last part sounds like conspiracy. I can attest that the mechanics I dealt with were in no way insidious (at least overtly) and it could have been said of some that they had good intentions. However, good intentions never seemed to diminish the cost of parts and labor. Thankfully, I didn’t have to bear these costs alone. Thanks, dad!

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